How thankful was I

It is about time I remember to be thankful.

I am thankful that my mother and father love me. I didn't know what to appreciate back then, starting my own family. I was convinced my parents criticized me too much. I saw them as trying to control how I raised my children or made life choices. I thought that was endless.

Later things reversed. My parents needed my help (more than wanting me to work for them so I could earn money) and my perspective reversed. I remember a deep conversation with my mother when for the first time she told me her perspective of things, adult to adult, and I finally understood. She loved me. It didn't matter, all those things she said I should do different. It didn't matter that she didn't understand what my life was really like. None of the arguments we had before mattered anymore. I remember talking to my dad, trying to convince him that certain things would not be good financial decisions like a reverse-mortgage on his house. We had many disagreements where his logic didn't make sense to me. He didn't respond well, sounding like I did as a teenager. I began to realize comprehension of his environment was diminishing. Soon he would have to go, but already it was not me relying on him but him relying on me. He needed me more every day because he couldn't drive safely and his health was failing in many ways. When I found my love for him, I found the past, how he loved me when I didn't see as well as he did. Back then he didn't have to stick with me. He didn't have to keep trying to reason with me. I started to realize that even if I was right saying my parent's view of the world was over-simplified, they still loved me without condition.

We loved each other, and we were there for each other. Finally.

I am thankful that I could finally and really spend time with my parents, before they moved on. Now they have another mission. And I have another mission. My mission is for my children.

think about being happy

been thinking,
If I have the choice to be happy every day, not by making enemies, and nobody could stop me... would I take it?

Sometimes I've been off worrying about what was wrong or will be wrong around me, outside this face, as if I love to be unhappy. I forget that people used to laugh and tell me they never saw anyone smile so much. What am I choosing? Instead of wishing to change the past and future, what about now

...That's one reason I finally created a facebook. Being hard on myself I wasn't really giving myself credit as able to do anything, or connect with people I knew. Isolating isn't fun nor useful, for the most part.

Happiness, the link to others

Communication is important for us all; We rely on it to work together, and be happy together. Sometimes I write way too much because I anticipate the recipient getting the wrong idea or needing more explanation. I try to answer all the questions which were never asked, and I begin to feel negative. In the end I've left people snowed--not even sure if I had any one point.

Rule:
More words is not more knowledge.